Help Cousin Write A New Song

We are batshit insane. Remember those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books from when you were a kid? Wouldn't it be nice to apply some of that fake open-ended shit to something like, I dunno, making two assholes from Jersey City write and record a song? Do you even know what the hell I'm talking about? Of course you don't. I don't even know what the fucking I'm going on about.

Here is the concept. Cousin wants you to help us write a new song. We've been busy working on new material and have a bunch of shit in the pipes on the way to you, but we figured it might be cool and special to get you to contribute towards it. How? Well that is pretty goddamn simple. Tell us what to do. I know, it sounds really insane, but trust me when I say that this can work. Actually, I didn't say a damn thing, I just typed it and you read it.

Here are the rules:

1.) Keep the request small. In other words just one sentence or phrase at a time. I don't mean that you tell us what phrase or sentence to say, I mean your request should only take up a phrase or sentence, got it? For example: "Make your chorus about fuzzy slippers." That works. It is a shitty idea, but it is in the form that we want.

2.) Be creative and clever. Telling us to write a song about shit is pointless. We already have one. We also probably mention shit in every song we write. We like shit. Shit.

3) You can suggest words to include, subjects for us to write about, sounds to imitate or sample or just flat out use, instruments you want to hear used, musical genres we should, artists's styles we should imitate or any other insane shit you can come up with. We can't, however, use any material that invalidates copyright laws. We want to sell this shit someday, right?

4. We can record video as we're recording these songs, so something like asking us to record a verse while we are upside down may not be heard, but it can be seen. Keep it within reason though. I'm not going to record myself singing naked while stabbing my asshole with broken glass. If I can't put it on youtube, we're not going to be able to do your request. We also have no urge to eat shit, no matter how much we like shit, so don't ask us to have pica. You don't even know what pica is, do you?

5.)  Write your request below in the comments of this post. Tell your friends about it, keep people coming back for more. We might even share with you audio clips or video clips of our progress. We want this to be the most insane thing we've ever done and we want you all to share it with us. Think of this as like a musical brainstorming orgy, only you are the deformed brains that tell our crippled hands what to do. Isn't that beautiful?

Well, that is all. Have fun, share your best ideas, and tell people about this crazy shit. This could be the best song ever written by any musical act ever. No hyperbole. Just our balls.

Cousin TV: Episode 1 - Freestyle, Small White Hooters And Urination

So we've taken to recording our exploits together, no matter what we do. Sometimes it will be fantastic and hilarious. Other times it will be embarassing and stupid. Either way, you will see it. Here is the first episode of our stupidity.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! This is the one day that we can celebrate the fact that women everywhere got fucked, knocked up, and kept the kid. Remember, no mother is a virgin. This is almost like having a holiday to celebrate the fact that people fuck. That sounds like a good idea to me. Yay!

Thowin' Babies Returns In A Big Way!

Really, I can't say much except that this video has all kinds of awesome in it: Thowin' babies, car accidents, a giant squid, and just... fuck, it is awesome.

Cousin Records Again?

Joe is coming over today, or so he says. If he doesn't make it over here I will be shitting in his ear. If he does make it over here we will be shitting in your ear. How so? Well, quite simly we wil be able to say something witty lik "Listen to our new shit!" and thus my promise is fulfilled. Anyhow, all I'm really saying is that I love the shape of your shapeless liquid shit. Because of that fondness for it I hope to partake in the crafting in a Cousin song, of course with my cousin Joe, that will sing the praises of all that is disgusting, vile, and hopeless in this world. I'm sure it will sound amazing, however. Harmonies, blasphemy, dirty words, and songs about bodily functions: Really, isn't that what life is all about? New cousin music, cumming soon!

Monkfish Blues Lyrics

Monkfish Blues is by far one of our favorite tracks. This insane song was intended to be a Christmas Song but we wound up going somewhere completely different with the lyrics, and really, I'm glad we did. Joe spits some insane stuff on it and the music on this track allowed me to come up with a decent melody the singing parts. After it was all said and done we were pretty damn happy with it. Anyhow, here are the lyrics!

Monkfish Blues
Lyrics and Music by: Joe Kasyan and Rene Rosa

I got a call from Moby dick his mobile made him cell fish
He was in lock down being part gefilte, I felt this
I told that fish you oughtta think outside the box
get together with ya homie swordfish and pick the lock
then snuff the guard that dickhead lox
his canned salmon ass ain't handsome wit that rancid head of dreadlocks
Back on the damp ranch we're dealin' wit the illest shit
duckin' oil filters and avoidin' oil spillages
Exxon's black liquid bombs killin' fish farms
this harm trickles down to the littlest villages
they bait and switch, get us into nets and pillage us
So we're stewed to gills while Peta sits still and just
fill their guts with tofu-pups and bitches filibust
Still I'm just dot at the bottom of god's syllabus
this underwater thug life is so hard
they plunder and slaughter us, so motherfuck the coast guard
we're so scarred, yet we remain so proud
these fuckin' yuppies hookin' unlucky guppies so foul
Men are sinnin' often, for dinner portions
This chicken of the sea says mothercluck you, fuck Gorton's

fuck Gorton's that crustacean hater's a walkin' abortion
his brain's still attached to the hanger that was forced in
his mother's pussy walls, turned to vulva borscht portions
that sorry ass salad tossin' orphan

I was swimming towards my bitch,
The hottest mother fuckin' dogfish,
But something wasn't right that night.
I could tell she wasn't moving,
With music blasting she wasn't grooving,
It was the most fucked up sight.
She was floating upside down in slick,
And now I've got no love.
The black and gooey tar oh so think,
A death sent from above..

fuck Gorton's that crustacean hater's a walkin' abortion
his brain's still attached to the hanger that was forced in
his mother's pussy walls, turned to vulva borscht portions
that sorry ass salad tossin' orphan

I went to gather a little algae,
When something almost hit me,
It was tough to see this at night.
It was someone's used rubber,
I mistook it for whale blubber,
And now I cant swallow things right.
And now I'm floating upside down in slick,
And I am going to drown,
I'll be here dying and oh so sick,
Then my sole float on down.

fuck Gorton's that crustacean hater's a walkin' abortion
his brain's still attached to the hanger that was forced in
his mother's pussy walls, turned to vulva borscht portions
that sorry ass salad tossin' orphan

Pubic Sir Cornea Lyrics

You're probably hearing this song right now, or this may have been the first Cousin song you ever heard. Regardless of which, you can now see the lyrics right here, as promised! Enjoy! Pubic Sir Cornea Music and Lyrics by: Rene Rosa and Joe Kasyan Well I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same, Because the bitch sucked so hard she nearly sucked out my brain. And I’m not upset that she left a stain, When it comes to getting head you’ll never ever hear me complain. When I’m feeling oh so satisfied, It doesn’t really matter if who I’m fucking is alive. And I don’t care if she’s young or old, As long as it’s still moist and it isn’t cold. Lick my balls Suck my Dick Fuck my face, Eat my Shit Rub my fat, Lick my Dick Fuck my ass Touch the tip We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! ‘Cause Cousin never been quitters! Well I don’t think I could fuck a man, Attraction to a hairy ass is what I can’t understand. And with little boys, I could never plan, But look how Mr. Jackson’s always holding one’s hand. When there somewhere I want to be inside, It’s got to be a narrow waist with the hips all wide. And I’ll tell you all now, Bitch, what is what, That nothing spells loving like the tightest twat. Lick my balls Suck my Dick Fuck my face, Eat my Shit Rub my fat, Lick my Dick Fuck my ass Touch the tip We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! ‘Cause Cousin never been quitters! Bitch you don’t have to tell me twice, I know that free sex comes at a smelly price That chain swings on your hips, nice, belly ice. Let’s get a womb with a view, I’ll pay the ‘telly’s price And stay overnight, this porn pro will show you right Let me pour you sprite and codeine over ice, I’m so nice, got a dreadlocked cock with no lice. Chicken heads working, jerking my head like rolling dice It’s no surprise my hose stays oversized. Nod your head, slobbin' my knob till its throbbin' red Haunting that ass like a hobgoblin in bed. When you don’t like a face it’s doggy style, If not you’re gonna’ be there for the longest while. And sure it takes a little work But it beats being home playing tug and jerk. Now I don’t claim to be the hottest man, But there is something about attraction that I don’t understand. I rack up hoes like my dicks a show, Within 15 minutes the bitch is ready to blow. Lick my balls Suck my Dick Fuck my face, Eat my Shit Rub my fat, Lick my Dick Fuck my ass Touch the tip We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! We’ll tear the rim off your shitter! ‘Cause Cousin never been quitters!